


Spin Me Round Just To Pin Me Down

by LadyNobleSong



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 08:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3562910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNobleSong/pseuds/LadyNobleSong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse into the relationship of Kuvira and Suyin in the wake of the Earth Empire's demise. In which pent-up feelings finally spill out, causing some wounds mend, and others not to. </p>
<p>Something of an (un)requited love story. Not exactly happy, but somehow still a bit of a fix-it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spin Me Round Just To Pin Me Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eiramew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eiramew/gifts).



> I can't believe I finally managed to complete this story! I think I first started working on it the day after the finale, can you believe? 
> 
> My writing schedule got rather messy shortly after that though, I must admit. This being said, I dare hope you'll still enjoy it. ☼
> 
> This will probably be my last story for a while, mainly because I find myself lacking inspiration, and also because life is keeping me quite busy for now. 
> 
> Love to y'all,   
> Wil. ♥ 
> 
> (I own nothing but my twisted mind, which is already quite a burden.)

** Part I **

Chief Beifong’s tight grasp on Kuvira’s shoulder may have felt like molten iron digging within her flesh and straight into the bone, yet the pain it caused was nothing compared to the wound Suyin’s few, steel words had brutally slashed into her chest, moments earlier.

Kuvira had never expected her former mentor to offer her forgiveness; she knew she had taken her actions to an extent far too great for Su to feel anything other than hatred at the sheer mention of her name. She had, after all, torn her family to shreds, stolen her city from the matriarch’s admittedly loose grasp- and she had hurt _her_ , above all, by setting ablaze whatever had been simmering between the two of them. No, she had not even expected Su to ever address her directly again. Now, however, she realised just how much preferable silence would have been, compared to this poisonous bite of a threat Suyin had just uttered.

For as long as she had had the smallest glimmer of hope to fulfill what she considered to be her mission towards the Earth Kingdom, Kuvira had kept fighting every step of the way, refusing to stop and think for a moment of the consequences her actions may eventually have on those she loved- or even on herself. And she’d been right not to: now that she found herself directly confronted to them, she realised just how deep she’d fallen, and how much of herself she had lost in the fight.

Lin’s bony fingers still clamped around her shoulder, she was slowly being pushed further and further away from Suyin, who refused to even meet the younger woman’s gaze. Kuvira, however, would not look away, desperately seeking the eyes of the metalbending master one more time. She knew she would probably never see Suyin again after she reached her cell; not that she could blame the other woman: however close they may once have been, it was well over. Too much hurt and pain had passed between the two of them; their hands had been stained and bloodied too many times. The only thing binding them, in the end, had been a mutual desire to cause the other’s demise.

‘Su…’ Kuvira whimpered, her gaze still directed at the silver-haired woman, unwavering. ‘Please, let me speak with you.’

‘Time for words has long passed, Great Uniter,’ Lin barked at her brutally, her grip tightening still. Kuvira winced at the use of her former title, which the chief of Police had made sure to utter with as much disdain and hatred as she could possibly muster.

‘No,’ Su replied harshly without looking up. ‘Let her speak. You can leave us.’

Lin looked at her younger sister hesitantly, then back at her prisoner; her eyes were filled with worry and fear.

‘Su, are you sure? This could-‘

‘Look at her,’ Su answered, nodding towards Kuvira disdainfully. ‘She can barely stand- she’s harmless.’

Lin didn’t seem convinced in the slightest, but she still relaxed her wring around Kuvira’s shoulder. She bit her lip, looking back at Su, who simply blinked at her and nodded. Reluctantly, the older woman let the younger go, but not before shooting her another deadly glare.

‘You have five minutes,’ she whispered low. ‘If anything goes wrong, I won’t be so careful about keeping you alive, am I clear?’

‘Yes, Chief.’ Kuvira replied, rubbing at her aching shoulder. Turning back towards Su as soon as Lin walked away, she attempted to stumble closer to her, her ankle twisting in the process. She tripped before dropping one knee against the floor, breathing in deeply.

When she looked back up, Suyin was towering over her, finally looking right at her. However, gone were the light and sparkle Kuvira had loved to seek from her gaze- all that now simmered within the depth of Su’s eyes was pain, anger, and unadulterated hatred. Kuvira swallowed painfully.

‘I don’t expect you to forgive me,’ she began. ‘I’m well-aware that I don’t deserve any more kindness or indulgence from you, not after all that happened-‘

‘After all you caused, you mean.’

Kuvira felt her eyes water again at the cutting edge Su’s words held. Of course, she had _expected_ them, but it didn’t keep them from being profoundly upsetting. ‘You’re right. But I know exactly what I created, and I want to help undo it. I want to spend the rest of my life righting the wrongs I caused you and yours, Su.’

She reached a tentative hand towards the metalbender, only to have it slapped away in a split second. One moment later, Suyin was clutching the collar of her tunic, making Kuvira choke slightly as she glared at her silently for a few seconds, preparing whichever words she would be spitting next.

‘We- _I_ do not require your help, Kuvira. In fact, I never want to hear or see you again. I may believe in second chances for criminals, but Zaofu will never be the home of _monsters.’_ She tightened her grip, her knuckles pressing against the front of Kuvira’s throat. ‘And a monster,’ she continued, ‘is exactly what you’ve become, Kuvira. I will have nothing more to do with you. From this moment on, you mean nothing to me. I don’t even want to remember there may have been time you did. Is that understood?’

Su eventually released the younger woman, who collapsed against the floor instantly, pressing her forehead against the dusty ground as burning tears were spilling from her eyes restlessly. She clenched her fists, the earth around her cracking and shifting at every shaky breath she took.

The older woman had begun walking away, yet she couldn’t fight the urge to turn one more time towards her former raven-haired protégée, of whom she could only see the tousled hair and trembling frame.

‘I could have loved you, you know?’ she muttered after a beat. ‘There may even have been a time when I did.’

Kuvira never heard her words, however, which had lost themselves amongst her whimpers and sobs. She attempted to look up and failed, thus also missing the sight of Suyin wiping her own eyes and cheeks with a pathetic sniffle.

The next thing she felt was Lin Beifong’s metal cable wrapping around her hands, pulling her upright again, before leading her now empty, shattered shell towards the unknown.  

 

** Part II **

It was always the same scene. The mauve spirit beam slipping out of her control, slaying everything in sight. Suyin, blood trickling down the side of her head, unconscious in the weapon’s path. Her own figure, rooted to the spot and utterly unresponsive, as she watched the horrifying act take place in slow motion, her eyes blurred with tears.

She wanted to scream, to leap towards Suyin and pull her away from the deadly ray, to shield her with her own body, but her muscles had escaped the grasp of her mind, rendered marble-like by the sheer dread running through her veins. She could feel her throat vibrate slowly, her lips distorted in a voiceless shriek, yet no sound seemed to emanate from her agape mouth.

One second later, it was all over. All that remained where Suyin’s figure once had been, was a pool of burgundy liquid, underneath a pile of rubble and ashes. She was gone, and Kuvira had failed. She’d been nothing more than a silent witness to the older woman’s trespassing; even worse, s her own weapon had caused the demise of the only person she had ever truly loved.

‘Su!’ Kuvira finally managed to cry, her voice an animalistic howl. ‘Su, no! No!’

All of a sudden, Kuvira’s eyes shot open. Her entire body was tangled in the single, scratchy sheet she’d been given, and it felt as if her entire skin had been set ablaze; she was drenched in sweat, her hair matted, sticking to her neck and forehead. Sitting up, she twisted the sheet around her trembling fingers, forcing herself to breathe and regulate the pounding of her heart against her ribs.

The same nightmare. Same than every night.

Despite her efforts, she couldn’t keep her skin from prickling at the blurred memory of Su’s death. It may not have been real, but the feeling of dread and grief that felt like a vice against her throat certainly was. It had to stop- the pain, the blood, everything. She wouldn’t be able to experience this anguish on a daily basis for much longer.

‘Su…’ she whispered, pressing the sheet against her nose and mouth. At first, the smell of the fabric had reminded her of Zaofu, of her dance gear, of _her_ ; it had helped her stay anchored in what was true, real. Now, though, the smell had begun to wane, and so, she thought, had her sanity. Still, she breathed in deeply, attempting to rekindle memories of a time when everything had been simpler, and happier, somehow.

She began counting, loud and slow, like she did every time nightmares decided to assault her. One. _Suyin’s hand wrapping tightly around her shoulder._ Two. _Her emerald eyes fondly locking up with her own._ Three. L _egs and hips bumping together as they twirled around; feet bouncing off iron petals._ Four. Kuvira’s chest still felt just as clamped. She sighed; it was hopeless.

Dragging her heavy figure towards the outer wall of her cell, she pressed her forehead against the panel, her mouth against the thin slit that had become her only connection to the outside world. She breathed in slowly, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue, before clearing her throat shakily.

‘Excuse me?’ she asked, her voice hoarse from not having been used in several days.

‘What is it?’ a gentle, rich voice answered from outside the thick panel of platinum. For the first time since she’d awoken from her nightmare, Kuvira breathed with more ease. She knew that voice: just as she had hoped, the guard standing outside her cell was the one -the only one- who had always been kind to her. She’d never seen or met him, but there was something careful in the way he would slip her the tray of food, something gentle that she’d grown to appreciate. And, somehow, the tone of his voice soothed her. So she’d decided to trust him, for what other choice did she truly have?

‘Have you- Did you see Su, lately?’

            He didn’t respond straight away.

‘I have, this morning. She’s fine.’ He paused again. ‘Nothing you should worry about,’ he added quietly, under his breath.

‘I- Good. That’s a relief. I thank you.’

‘Nightmares again?’ He added, almost hesitantly, and Kuvira responded before she could stop herself.

‘Same than every night.’

‘Do you want me to mention it to her?’

‘No!’ Kuvira cried suddenly. She paused for breath, unclenching her wrists before leaning back against the cold wall. ‘No,’ she repeated, calmer. ‘It’s kind of you to offer, but I don’t want her to know. I’ve caused enough havoc in that woman’s life already,’ she added, unsure than the guard would even catch her words.

            He didn’t answer. Kuvira lazily walked back to her futon, sitting down rigidly. Suyin was unscathed, and nothing else mattered. She was safe and sound, probably going about her life without even sparing Kuvira the odd occasional thought. The young woman flinched at that thought, roughly brushing it away from her mind when she noticed the familiar sting of unshed tears. Her days of pining over Suyin were over, she repeated herself, ignoring the bitter taste her lies left in her mouth.

 

** Part III **

            Kuvira was shaken awake later, by the rattling of her heavy cell door being opened. She scrambled into an upright positing, gathering the sheet around her thinning figure, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the light suddenly pouring within the room. She wasn’t sure when she’d fallen back to sleep, or even how long she’d dozed off; it seemed time was slowly slipping out of her control, leaving her to feel utterly powerless.

‘What is it?’ she asked without even, expecting the reluctant company of some guard or other.

‘You have a visitor,’ the rich voice she’d grown accustomed to answered, somehow hesitantly. So, it was still the same day, Kuvira realised, rubbing her reddened eyes.

‘I- I’m sorry?’ she answered, her voice trembling with a sudden surge of emotion. Her fingers clamped around the edge of her futon in a vain attempt to stop their tremble. A split second later, Kuvira had regained her composure, and the bubble of hope she’d felt inflate deep in her stomach had burst as fast as it had appeared. ‘You must be mistaken,’ she deadpanned. ‘Who would have anything to gain from visiting me?’

It was the truth, of course. According to her calculations, she’d been locked in this cell for over seven months now, and never had she received a single visit or letter, save a short, impersonal note from Bataar, informing her he was returning the key to her apartment. She may not have loved him as he had her, but she still had shed many tears of shame that day, tears that had utterly crinkled the envelope. She understood, however. She’d caused so much hurt and woe in her wake, she shouldn’t have expected anyone to still care about whether she lived or died.

‘There’s no mistake,’ a feminine voice the young woman would have recognised anywhere suddenly declared. Kuvira turned around frantically, her heart skipping several beats, if only to make sure she wasn’t being deceived by her aching mind once more.

‘Suyin?’ she muttered, her voice ending in a dry cough.

            The older woman walked further inside the room, her deep green tunic swishing around with every step she took. Without a word, she sat down on the opposite end of Kuvira’s futon, her legs crossed in front of her, wary of maintaining a prudent distance between their bodies. The latter straightened up, knitting her hands together, her nails discreetly digging into the skin of her wrists in a desperate attempt to anchor herself in this vertiginous reality.

‘Why are you here?’ Kuvira asked tentatively, after long minutes of charged silence had passed between the two women.

‘Greetings to you too, Great Uniter,’ Suyin replied icily, without looking up at her. ‘It’s nice to see you again, after so long.’

‘Suyin,’ Kuvira pleaded, refusing to pick up the woman’s passive aggressive tone. ‘We both know you’re not here out of sympathy for me, so let’s cut to the chase, shall we?’

‘Are you crying, Kuvira?’ Suyin replied, her tone just a touch warmer. Damn woman, the younger metalbender angrily thought to herself. Had she come here with the sole intent of tormenting Kuvira further?

‘How observant,’ she replied drily, wiping her eyes with furious gestures. ‘Yes, Suyin, I’m crying. I never thought I would see you again. Now, let me ask you one last time- why are you here?’

‘I’ve been told about your- nightmares,’ Suyin answered after a beat. ‘How you kept asking for me.’

‘I never asked for you,’ Kuvira replied flatly. ‘Not once.’

‘But you asked about me- or so I’ve been told’, Suyin added, looking straight at Kuvira for the first time since she’d entered the room. ‘Or are you going to deny that, too?’

            Kuvira refused to reply, looking down at her joined hands emotionlessly. Of course, she should have trusted the guard to go around blabbering about her deepest insecurities. The worst thing was, he probably meant well all along. She couldn’t even find it in herself to be mad at him, if only for the sheer relief she felt rushing through her veins at the sight of Suyin.

‘I- have nightmares.’ Kuvira said after a while. ‘Recurring ones.’

‘Nightmares about me?’

            The dark haired woman nodded without a word. Suyin was looking at her fixedly, her stare utterly unreadable. However, Kuvira knew she was lost in deep thoughts, from the way her fingers kept twitching nervously.

‘So, now what?’ Kuvira asked quietly.

            Her words seemed to shake the older woman out of her torpor, and before Kuvira could protest, she was back on her feet, turning towards the platinum panel again.

‘Now, I need to go,’ Suyin said blankly.

‘So that’s it, then?’ Kuvira noted sharply, anger rising within her before she could prevent it. ‘You’re running away. Again.’

‘I can’t do this,’ Suyin muttered in-between clenched teeth, still refusing to face the younger woman.

‘Do what?’

‘I can’t do this, Kuvira. I can’t bear being near you again. I thought I would be strong enough, but I’m not. I-’ She took a deep breath, fists balled-up. Her voice was dry when she spoke again. ‘I can’t help loathing you.’

            At these words, Kuvira felt something break within her chest. The anger that had been bubbling in the pit of her stomach disappeared instantly, only to be replaced by an overwhelming sentiment of hollowness. She painfully repressed yet another onslaught of tears.

‘I see.’ She remained silent for a long moment, listening to the quiet sound of Su’s hitched breathing behind her. Why was she not leaving?

‘Suyin, you should go. Please.’

‘I don’t answer to you, Kuvira.’

‘You can’t even look me in the eye, Su. You-’

‘Don’t call me that.’ Suyin snapped suddenly, her head turning towards the younger woman ever-so slightly. '‘Not _ever_ again.’

‘Alright,’ Kuvira responded eventually, a stray tear rolling down her cheek.

            Suyin remained immobile for a few more moments, before releasing a deep, strangled sigh. Kuvira could sense she was about to speak again, and for a flashing moment, she wanted to pounce on the woman and claw her very heart out. All she wanted now was to be left alone, to rot amongst her nightmares and regrets; why couldn’t Su at least concede her that?

‘I still don’t understand, Kuvira.’

‘Leave.’

‘I can’t understand,’ Suyin continued, ignoring the younger woman’s desperate plea, ‘what brought you to hurt my family the way you did. To hurt _me_ the way you did.’

‘I’ve asked you to _leave_ ,’ Kuvira snapped. ‘Now.’

‘I can’t force me to obey you anymore, _Great Uniter_.’ Suyin replied without a beat. ‘And I will do as I please.’

‘Isn’t that what you always do?’ Kuvira growled under her breath, before she could stop herself.

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘Nothing.’

‘No, I distinctively heard you speak. So please, Kuvira, enlighten me on how you have somehow come to the conclusion that this,’ she gestured vaguely at the empty space between them, ‘is my fault.’

‘I don’t- I never-’

            Kuvira stopped when she realised Su was no longer listening. Instead, the latter was leaning against the wall, arms crossed tightly under her chest, eyeing the younger woman with unadulterated contempt.

‘This is exactly why I cannot forgive you, Kuvira. If I even had the slightest inkling that you felt genuinely sorry for the pain you caused me, I may be able to see the past under a different light. But you don’t regret anything, do you?’ She paused to breathe, squatting down slightly to find herself at eye-level with her prisoner. ‘All this time, and you’re still blaming _me_.’

            Kuvira’s words seemed hopelessly stuck down her throat, and all she could do was gaze back at Suyin silently, mouth agape, while the silver-haired woman rambled on.

‘I cannot believe this. All these years I’ve spent raising you, educating you, caring for you, lovingyou, and this is how you repay me? We were a family, Kuvira, and you-’

‘We were _never_ a family.’ Kuvira interrupted icily.

‘We were, and-’

‘No, Su. You did have a family –and you still do- but I was never a part of it.’

 

** Part IV **   


            Kuvira suddenly realised she had screamed the last words at Suyin; it was the latter’s turn to gaze at her speechlessly. Feeling several decades of pent-up anger on the verge of finally spilling out, she decided spoke on, spitting every word of her resentment at the woman facing her.

‘Let me tell you who your family is, Suyin. Your husband, your children, your sister. Even your long-lost mother. Not me. I don’t know what you ever saw in me- or what gap you wished I would fill in your life, but I _do_ know you never loved me. Do you want to know who I am, Su? I’m the square peg. The odd one out, the one who never belongs, who’s conveniently left out of the family pictures. Now even you can’t deny that.’

            Kuvira had begun overtly sobbing, and she could barely make out Suyin’s blurred figure behind the curtain of her tears. Now that she’d open the floodgates, though, there was no going back. Between two hiccoughs, she continued.

‘I don’t even understand why you bothered with me altogether- was it so you could feel good about yourself? Another selfless action from the generous philanthropist you are? Or did you take some sick, twisted pride in showing your perfect little family off to me, knowing I had none? I’ll tell you something, Su. I may have grown up without parents, but I never felt more alone than after you took me in. Now, you may well have deluded yourself for decades, telling the world how I shamelessly stabbed you in the back after you only ever showed me love, but face it: you were never anything but cruel to me.’  

            Kuvira’s speech was suddenly cut off by the resounding sound of Suyin’s palm colliding violently with the skin of her cheek. The pain shooting throughout her jaw however seemed to shake Kuvira out of her trance, and only then did she notice the glistening tear streaks upon the older woman’s face. She released a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, sinking back onto her futon while Su’s trembling hand still hung in mid-hair.

‘I’m sorry,’ the latter said after a long beat. ‘I didn’t mean to hit you, I just-’

‘Got carried away- I know. So did I.’

‘Why did you never say anything? Fifteen years we spent side by side, and never once did you speak to me as truthfully as you just did.’

‘I- I thought actions would speak louder than words.’

‘Is that- is that why you came after Junior?’ Suyin asked, seeming suddenly enlightened. ‘Did you hope that would make me more of a mother to you?’

‘No.’

‘But did you ever love him?’

‘I may have- but not in the way he loved me. I don’t think so.’

‘Then why?’

            Kuvira pressed her face against her hands.

‘So you would notice me,’ she admitted under her breath.

‘So, I was right?’

‘No,’ Kuvira continued, her words clipped. ‘I won’t deny wanting your attention and your affection, but I never thought of you as a mother. Whatever you meant to me- whatever I may have felt for you, it was- something else.’ Kuvira paused, pointedly staring at her cuticles as she felt Su’s questioning gaze pressing upon her. ‘Something inappropriate,’ she finally confessed, so low Su barely caught her words.

‘Oh.’

‘Exactly.’

‘I, um- I have to-’

‘Go,’ Kuvira completed Suyin’s sentence for her. ‘I know. I don’t expect you to stay.’

‘Kuvira, this is-’

‘Unexpected? Wrong? Sick?’ The young woman offered sadly. ‘I know.’

‘It explains a lot. But I need time to… think this through.’

            Kuvira snorted, letting out a pitiful giggle.

‘There’s nothing to think about, Suyin. I just thought you deserved the truth. So there you are: the plain, ugly truth.’

            The young metalbender suddenly felt the gentle pressure of Su’s hand against her shoulder. Her heart skipped a beat at the unexpected contact, and she quickly had to wipe yet another tear off her damp cheek.

A moment later, they were both silently moving towards the door, Kuvira’s hands joined together behind her back.

‘Will I ever see you again?’ the latter felt herself asking moments later, instantly regretting her words.

‘No… Maybe. I- Kuvira, I don’t know. But I doubt it.’

            The dark-haired woman felt her heart down her chest, but still managed to gather the necessary strength to offer Suyin a half-smile.

‘I understand.’ She almost reached out a hand to Su’s cheek, but eventually decided against it, her arm cowardly retreating to her side mid-motion. ‘Have a good life, Suyin. And I’m sorry. For everything.’

            The moment after, Suyin’s lips were on hers, tentatively brushing up against her mouth in a touch so gentle Kuvira barely felt it. The kiss was neither chaste nor amorous, but somewhere in-between, tasting of unspoken words, enticing what-ifs and dangerous could-have-beens. When they parted, reluctant and flushed, one thing however became clear: it would be their first and only kiss.

‘I’m sorry, too. Be well, Kuvira,’ Suyin whispered, her hand ghosting the outline of the younger woman’s cheek. A split second later, she was gone. Kuvira sank down to her knees, her heart still pounding a wild tattoo within her chest.

…

For the first time in months, that night, Kuvira’s sleep was dreamless.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment if you wish, they are always much appreciated. 
> 
> Squishes all around!  
> Wil. 
> 
> (I apologise for the ending that's not quite one, but I wanted to leave the rest of the story up to your own imagination and liking. I'm not exactly sure myself whether I envision this taking a positive or a negative turn; it was mostly just a snippet I felt like sharing.)


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